i am teary-eyed thinking of how truly beautiful the relationship we have is & how even more beautiful i see it becoming if we continue to maintain the dynamic that is currently existing.

there’s just this genuine & strong support i feel we have for one another that i know i’ll never find with anyone else or feel with anyone else. & i don’t know how i got so lucky to have this, but i am incredibly thankful for everything that happened to lead up to all of this, even the “bad” & perhaps most especially the “bad”. 

it’s just a wonderful feeling finally coming to terms with & honestly accepting how i feel after 6 whole months of being unsure of & confused by it all.

but really, the more time i spend here & the more time i dedicate to talking to others and being around others, the more i realize that i’ll never find another connection quite like the one i have with the boy i’ve loved for over a year now. & it’s phone calls like these that make me realize perhaps i’m not pathetic for still having feelings.

others would say i should’ve moved on a long time ago, i’m sure. but they are not me & therefore do not see what i see. & what i see is that what Scotty & i have is precisely what everyone is looking for. we may not be together now, & i may even dare say that we may never be together ever again, but there’s a bond, a connection, & a deep fondness toward one another that will transgress all time. & i know i’m terribly young & perhaps far too young to say such a thing as lofty that, but this is what i truly feel in the deepest depths of me. i’ve learned plenty of things in these 18 years i’ve lived, but i’ve learned the most within this past year, & if there’s one lesson that i dare say is the most important i’ve learned so far, it’s that i’m more intuitive than i ever believed myself to be & that my gut feeling is usually almost always spot on, & tonight my gut tells me that i am not wrong to think i’ll never meet another person with whom i’ll ever feel as comfortable with than my dear Scotty.

i feel terribly pathetic for continuing to be so hopelessly in love with the same person that i’ve loved for a good year & a half now, but it’s times like these that remind me of how i’ll never find another person with whom i am so comfortable of admitting my deepest uncertainties about the many topics i am so uncertain about to. & regardless of what he may think, i’ve got the strongest feeling within me that there is no one on this planet that is as good for me as he is, & despite what he does think, i know that it is not i that is too good for him but much rather that it is he that is too good for me. oh, how i would give anything to make it so that he realizes this.